A Date for Timi - Part 4

The handlers went to Diego’s farm to discuss a possible immediate reunion between his billy goat and Timi. They parked in front of Diego’s front gate, hoping that someone would notice them beside the professional wrestler-sized dog and his teacup-sized companion, the larger of which had a deep but not menacing bark as if he were saying “you two seem nice enough but you should probably be getting along.”

Diego’s billy goat was outside the gated front garden area between the fence and the highway. The handlers stood patiently on one side of the gate hoping to get the attention of one of the family members but even with the dogs’ persistent barking, no one appeared from inside the house.

Since the handlers had the opportunity to view Diego’s billy goat up close, they admired his roman nose, his stature, and noticed an insidious odor typical of billy goats.

There was no sign of anyone coming out of the house, so Male Handler (MH) went back to the car to grab a piece of paper of which they could write a note. They wrote asking Diego to call the handlers as they wanted his goat to “meet our female goat." While MH was attempting to put it on the gate latch, both handlers noticed that the billy goat’s tether was not actually attached to anything! And the billy goat was attempting to rear up as if to plant his head against another head.

This particular billy goat is really the size of a pony, probably weighs at least a couple of hundred pounds. Thinking quickly what might be the outcome of this situation (death by head butt), the Handlers did what any normal person would do in that situation…..they ran to the car.

The billy goat did the same.

For a while the billy goat blocked the escape route by standing behind the car thereby preventing the handlers from backing out of the driveway. Fortunately, the billy goat tired of the situation and left to find more to eat, and the handlers drove away.

About two hours later, the handlers received a call from Diego. Of course, no problem, sure, come over, get my goat….click. Wait, what did that mean? Call again…. The handlers attempted to explain that they would like to bring Timida over to Diego’s house. Diego attempted to explain that while this fine, where would they put two goats as he did not have an enclosed pen. As it turned out, the handlers have an old dog pen, and this might work for a quick rendezvous. Call again…explain, and the reply was “great, come over and get my goat and we’ll carry him over to your place.”

After increasing the cargo hold of the camioneta by eliminating the back seat, off MH went to Diego’s and off Female Handler (FH) went to get Timi ready for the date. This meant going down the hill to the back of the orchard, and separating her from her brother. There was much protest by all, and FH was pretty sure all the neighbors could hear the commotion and fairly confident that Animal Control would not be called to investigate. Distressed animal sounds were a normal part of rural living.

MH finally returned, and when FH saw his expression as he got out of the camioneta, she knew something was amiss. Diego had not come. MH explained that all he understood from Diego was “see you in a bit” as he watched Diego go back in his house. Wait…what does this mean? Diego knows this animal, but the handlers did not, and already Diego’s goat had tried to head butt them so this could really end badly….and who would know? The headlines would read…”two gringos died of blunt force trauma to the head while two satisfied goats looked on.”

FH called Diego. Diego explained that his goat will be fine, he’s mellow, and finally…”call me if you need anything” which is really how every conversation ends with Uruguayans. But FH explained “he’s HUGE!” Diego just laughed, and click, the line went dead.

But as it was, Diego had so efficiently tied the hoofs together that his billy goat was laying on his side taking up the entire cargo hold space, but most importantly ...completely immobile. MH relayed how Diego had grabbed the goat by his horns and tackled him to the ground, and …”really, it looked easy enough.” He had tied three hoofs together, and then added the fourth one. Then holding the goat by the horns, Diego had dragged him across the gravel driveway (!!) and lifted his head into the cargo hold of the camioneta, while MH pushed the goat’s rear up into the cargo hold as well.

With trepidation, the Handlers undid the rope around the billy goats’ hooves, and the billy goat immediately sprang to life and was up on all fours. In an attempt to be alpha goat, FH lead him with purpose to the dog pen where Timi was making it known that she did not like being left completely alone. Quite possibly Timi saved their lives with her incessant bleating. It had captured his immediate attention even from inside the camioneta.

What was to be a quickie, ended up being soured slighted by a torrential rain storm in which no animal moved. Thereafter with some sniffing, some poking, and tail wagging on Timi’s part…it was love at first sight. The handlers were not quite sure how compatible little Timi would be with a very large billy goat, but everything seemed to go as nature would have it.

Once the Handlers were satisfied that the billy goat had done his job (5 times…),  FH took him by his lead (which was totally an unimpressive rope looking more like a piece of thick yarn after I’ve gotten through tearing through it) and guided him to the camioneta. MH talking through what Diego had done while simultaneously doing what Diego did to make his goat go down to the ground and ultimately be on his side only created an interesting scene of conflicting will power and determination.

Oh, and the goat was most definitely winning.

While MH was putting all his weight on the goat’s horns and pointing them toward the ground, FM was making an attempt to grab the back hooves. This only made the goat splay out his front hooves. Finally the brilliant idea of pulling his back hooves out and away from his front hooves forced the goat to be sprawled belly first and then together they pushed him on his side. SUCCESS. Quick tie the hooves! Now that the goat had four hooves tied, they could pull him across the grass (which was MUCH nicer than being pulled across gravel as was done earlier) and start to inch him into the cargo hold of the vehicle. After much grunting, pushing and pulling mostly by MH, the goat was in the camioneta, and the handlers were on their way to Diego’s to return the goat. The stunned silence of having survived the experience was only broken by the sound of the windows being quickly rolled down to disperse some of the billy goat odor.

Chochi goes into heat in the next couple of days.

Oh my word. We get to repeat this.